It occurred to me as I was driving my heartbroken little Prince home after dropping off his big sister at DadOf3's work to have lunch, that it is within our control as parents to influence how our children handle disappointment.
The Prince was quite devastated that Princess went to have lunch with Daddy and he didn't get to go. Promises of future lunch dates made no dent in his mood, and I found myself brainstorming different ways to cheer him up. Thoughts of ice cream, shopping for a new toy, going to McDonald's, and giving him other sweet treats crossed my mind.
Then it occurred to me that in this very instant, I was teaching my son how to handle disappointment. This is a biggie because, as much as I would like to see him happy all the time, the truth is that disappointment is going to visit him again and again. Yes, it would probably make him feel better to get a special ice cream treat with mommy, but would that later lead to over-eating as an adult when disappointment rears its ugly head? And what about shopping to make yourself feel better? Would that lead to spending outside of his budget later when things don't go his way?
Maybe I am reading too much into this, but in the end, I didn't get him ice cream or another sweet treat, we didn't go to the store for a consolation prize, and we didn't head out for a happy meal. I sat him down on the couch and we talked. I told him that I understood what it was like to be the younger kid. I told him how hard it was to watch our big sisters doing things before we got to do them.
Then I told him a secret: Younger kids actually have more fun when our turn rolls around because we have lots and lots of time to anticipate whatever the event happens to be. It brought a smile to my Prince's face as we talked about what kind of food he was going to pack for his and Daddy's special lunch in a couple of weeks.
Kids are resilient. 5 minutes after we got home he was back to his happy little self.
Whew! Crisis averted! :)
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6 comments:
Thanks for stopping by to say hi on my blog the other day!!!
What a good lesson for your son to learn!:)
We struggle with this too, especially since Abby and Hannah are so close in age and Hannah doesn't always like the fact that Abby gets to do things first. It doesn't help either that Abby has a tendency herself to try to even things out - when she lost a tooth and got a dollar from the Tooth Fairy to spend, we explained to Hannah why she didn't have one too. Abby felt bad though and ended up giving another dollar that she had from something else to Hannah. A good lesson to Abby in sharing and being nice to her sister, but doesn't help Hannah learn anything... Sigh.
It's so hard, isn't it, when all we want to do is just make 'everything all better' for them! :)
Great thinking..
seriously, you rock! i am one of those moms that does not do consolation prizes. that's not how life works. the sooner children are given the tools to help them cope the better off they are.
its also fun to know that we as parents can provide them with magical moments between disapointments too...ahhh the powers! *wink*
I think you handled it beautifully! Well done.
It is hard for them. Brayden was upset the other day when Caleb was planning on going to a b-day sleepover. It is really hard I think for the middle children. But they will get by. Sounds like you did a good job helping him understand.
By the way, Brayden didn't have a chance to get to upset since Caleb had the flu Friday and couldn't go to the sleepover. I then I had to try and explain to Caleb about disappointment!
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